Parental Responsibilites

  Parental Responsibilities and Child Abuse

                                           

                           By: Pamela Joy Smith, J.D.

     Statistics reveal that every year there are 3.3 million reports of child abuse made in the United States. Every year in our country, five children a day will die due to child abuse.  As parents, we have a duty and responsibility to protect our children.  With such staggering statistics, what can we embrace in an effort to prevent our own children from becoming yet another statistic?

     Our first duty to our children after providing them with food and shelter is to educate not only ourselves but also our children about child abuse.  What does educating ourselves about child abuse involve?

1.     Read articles and books about child abuse including your local paper.

2.     Realize that child abuse encompasses physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect and abandonment.

3.     Learn what behaviors are exhibited in those children who have been subjected to child abuse.

4.     Realize that child abusers cross every occupation, sex, race and economic position in society.  For example, some of the most trusted people in our lives are capable of being a child abuser. As a prosecutor I have seen a deacon of a church, parents, stepparents, grandparents, siblings, caregivers and even teachers as abusers.

 Secondly our duties as a parent are to ensure that the environment in which we place our children is one that has been thoroughly checked. For Example:

1.     Who is the babysitter you are trusting to watch your child while you are out of the home?

2.     Have you talked to other people who have used this sitter in their home?

3.     If you are placing your child in a day care facility, have you talked to not only current parents who have their children enrolled but also other parents who have since left the day care facility?

4.     Are you encouraged to drop in at any time of the day at the day care facility? From personal experience,  I dropped in to a church day care unannounced to discover my infant son crying hysterically. When confronted with questions, the staff told me he was spoiled and that he had refused to eat. When I took him into my arms and fed him, he quieted at once and drank a bottle.   I then looked over to where his baby food jars were stored. Despite it being mid-week, the cubby was full of the baby food I had brought so that he could be fed. When questioned about that, they told me that they disagreed with what I was feeding him! Needless to say that was his last day at that day care.

5.     Just because you may be satisfied with the day care you are currently using, do not let your guard down as providers will change along with policies and new directors.

6.     If your child asks to spend the night at a friend’s house, find out who will be there at that home. Have you met the parents and the child’s siblings and even the other children who have been invited?

7.     Are other adults outside of your immediate family paying too much attention to your child and giving him or her gifts?

          The third thing you can do as a parent is to educate your child. Children are so trusting and they look to adults for guidance and direction. We also teach them to obey other adults who are in positions of authority. However, we need to teach them under what circumstances it is appropriate for them to not listen to that adult. Teach them what is appropriate touching and the occasions in which they are allowed to hug another person or adult. Also teach them that there are inappropriate touching s and that they are permitted to say “no” if they feel uncomfortable. Encourage them to tell you of these incidents.

       In educating our children, we also have the responsibility of communicating with our children.  Always engage your children in communication.  Let them know that no subject that is off limits for discussion.  Stay involved in knowing their schedules and where they are supposed to be at certain times.  Find out who may be involved with them during school and during after school activities. Communicate with them about these individuals. Be active and proactive.

     In conclusion, if your child does become a victim of child abuse, it is your duty as a parent to report the abuse and be supportive of your child during the entire legal process. Do not blame yourself or the child.  In addition, do not refuse counseling for your child. Many children will benefit from mental health counseling so that they realize that they did nothing wrong.  Your child needs to be reassured that it was not their fault, and that you love them unconditionally. Let them know that you will be there for them during this process. Encourage your child to talk to the prosecutor and to the law enforcement officers so that they can work together with you and the child to get justice for the child. Do not make comments in front of your child that you do not want your child to testify! What message are you sending to your child? Also realize that children are often told by their abusers that the abuser will hurt their parents, siblings or pets if the child reports the abuse. This takes an emotional toll on children. Your child is looking to you for protection against the abuser and your love and continued support will help them recover. Together we can make a difference in a child’s life.