Parental Responsibilities
and Child Abuse
By: Pamela Joy Smith, J.D.
Statistics reveal that every year there are 3.3 million reports of child
abuse made in the United States. Every year in our country, five children a day
will die due to child abuse. As
parents, we have a duty and responsibility to protect our children. With such staggering statistics, what
can we embrace in an effort to prevent our own children from becoming yet
another statistic?
Our first duty to our children after providing them with food and
shelter is to educate not only ourselves but also our children about child
abuse. What does educating
ourselves about child abuse involve?
1. Read
articles and books about child abuse including your local paper.
2. Realize
that child abuse encompasses physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect and
abandonment.
3. Learn
what behaviors are exhibited in those children who have been subjected to child
abuse.
4. Realize
that child abusers cross every occupation, sex, race and economic position in
society. For example, some of the
most trusted people in our lives are capable of being a child abuser. As a
prosecutor I have seen a deacon of a church, parents, stepparents,
grandparents, siblings, caregivers and even teachers as abusers.
Secondly our duties as a parent are to ensure that the
environment in which we place our children is one that has been thoroughly
checked. For Example:
1. Who
is the babysitter you are trusting to watch your child while you are out of the
home?
2. Have
you talked to other people who have used this sitter in their home?
3. If
you are placing your child in a day care facility, have you talked to not only
current parents who have their children enrolled but also other parents who
have since left the day care facility?
4. Are
you encouraged to drop in at any time of the day at the day care facility? From
personal experience, I dropped in
to a church day care unannounced to discover my infant son crying hysterically.
When confronted with questions, the staff told me he was spoiled and that he
had refused to eat. When I took him into my arms and fed him, he quieted at
once and drank a bottle. I then looked over to where his baby
food jars were stored. Despite it being mid-week, the cubby was full of the
baby food I had brought so that he could be fed. When questioned about that,
they told me that they disagreed with what I was feeding him! Needless to say
that was his last day at that day care.
5. Just
because you may be satisfied with the day care you are currently using, do not
let your guard down as providers will change along with policies and new
directors.
6. If
your child asks to spend the night at a friend’s house, find out who will be
there at that home. Have you met the parents and the child’s siblings and even
the other children who have been invited?
7. Are
other adults outside of your immediate family paying too much attention to your
child and giving him or her gifts?
The third
thing you can do as a parent is to educate your child. Children are so trusting
and they look to adults for guidance and direction. We also teach them to obey
other adults who are in positions of authority. However, we need to teach them
under what circumstances it is appropriate for them to not listen to that
adult. Teach them what is appropriate touching and the occasions in which they
are allowed to hug another person or adult. Also teach them that there are
inappropriate touching s and that they are permitted to say “no” if they feel
uncomfortable. Encourage them to tell you of these incidents.
In educating our children, we
also have the responsibility of communicating with our children. Always engage your children in
communication. Let them know that
no subject that is off limits for discussion. Stay involved in knowing their schedules and where they are
supposed to be at certain times.
Find out who may be involved with them during school and during after
school activities. Communicate with them about these individuals. Be active and
proactive.
In conclusion, if your child does become a victim of child abuse, it is
your duty as a parent to report the abuse and be supportive of your child
during the entire legal process. Do not blame yourself or the child. In addition, do not refuse counseling
for your child. Many children will benefit from mental health counseling so
that they realize that they did nothing wrong. Your child needs to be reassured that it was not their fault,
and that you love them unconditionally. Let them know that you will be there
for them during this process. Encourage your child to talk to the prosecutor
and to the law enforcement officers so that they can work together with you and
the child to get justice for the child. Do not make comments in front of your
child that you do not want your child to testify! What message are you sending
to your child? Also realize that children are often told by their abusers that
the abuser will hurt their parents, siblings or pets if the child reports the
abuse. This takes an emotional toll on children. Your child is looking to you
for protection against the abuser and your love and continued support will help
them recover. Together we can make a difference in a child’s life.
